..

I realized that we do not have to take in anything that makes us anything but happy.  Life is too short to not be happy or at the very least, okay.

Silence

Your silence makes me feel that I've finally been listened to.

Thank you.

Can't move. Can't sit still.

I'm too exhausted to go back.  I'm too restless to sit still.  I need to push myself forward but I can't move.

I need something else.

-

Not happy about what I did. It hurts to hurt someone I've taken care of all these many months.  It hurts to know that I've caused so much pain and sadness.

I feel like I'm such a lousy, mean and weak person.  I'm so lousy for not finding in me the will to fight and take in some more.  I think I'm mean for being able to stand by my word that I will leave despite everything. And I'm definitely weak for giving up.

Right now, I have nothing good to offer to anyone.  I'm in such a bad shape.

But I fought.  I know I did. I took in as much as I could possibly take in.  I know that I've given it my all while I could still give whatever I have in me.  And yet I feel so bad.  I feel so f**king bad that I'm breaking down.  I'm thinking that if I'm hurting like this even if I'm the one who did this, how much more is she hurting?  The bad butterflies I have are really bad.  How much worse are hers?

Crazy

I am not in my best shape tonight, at this moment. I came from a 5-day vacation and I thought that I'd crash and fall asleep to get back to work tomorrow. Thing is, I'm up and feeling very different. There are so many things going on inside my head that I wish I could just shut out everything.