The Silent Guy

I failed my Calculus class. In my school, if you fail any subject once, you get to be in the batch that enrolls last. Meaning, you get the left-over schedules: The latest and earliest of classes, the terror professors, the farthest rooms and three to four hour breaks.

The Silent Guy.

Since I failed Calculus, I had big breaks as a result of the policy that those-who-fail-once-will-get-the-craziest-schedules-forever.

So I had so much time to hangout with my block mates. Mostly the guys. For some reason, I was more comfortable with them. Silent guy was one of those guys. He does not talk. Well he does but he kind of was not heard most of the time. He was the type of person that everyone just loved to push around. Everyone was making fun of him and his hair! He never got mad though. He would pretend to get pissed but he never really snapped for real.
 
I never made fun of him while everyone did.

I remember during one of the enrollment seasons, Silent Guy asked me what my schedule was and if he could copy it because he did not want to make one on his own so I agreed. For the following term, we became really close because we were together in all of our classes. In between breaks, it was natural that we hung out as well. If not just the two of us, with our other friends. Things were nice. I did not want a relationship. I cannot imagine myself in one. He was there, the perfect guy friend who listened to me and really cared genuinely.

One night, he told me he had feelings for me.  I did not know what to do because he was not supposed to be feeling anything. We were buddies. I had a hard time pushing him away. I was scared to hurt him. He was my friend, of course.

His efforts poured. Picked me up and brought me home. Went everywhere with him. We talked a lot, hung out a lot. I was going with the flow. I did not want to be with him as in like lovers. I wanted to be with him as friends but I did not know how to draw the line.

Five months have passed. In that span of time I have told him to back of a couple of times. I told him that I will just end up hurting him. He would not listen. I was at fault too. I was never firm enough for him to really believe that I want him out.

Things happened. Despite the fact that I did not want him. I allowed things to happen. I did and said a lot of things that led him to think that we were going somewhere. I watched me do things that I should not be doing.

And then I met someone. Someone not so ordinary. I had to end it with Silent Guy.
 
I finally told him, "I cannot go on with this. I cannot be with you. I am sorry. I am sorry I led you on. I am sorry."

Goodbye Silent Guy.